Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Holiday Informercial Guillotine

and everything has happened before
and it's déjà vu each second coming

the wares plyed before my tired eyes -2 am now- flex & flaunt the daunting hours away
come astray with me, sculpt your boooty while building a house watching birds in the rollabout hay with purple rivers of papaya dreamjuice and fantasy flakes falling like snow
you know it's mighty and the boxes die in Bakersfield
i'm as giddy as a galley gadfly and my mustache is flying off my face in to the "no fly" zone-
a bone for sqealers, the feelers of cartire protection window break obsessions throwing their lives away
on days like this, who needs friendly fire?

i use a tiger's toes to brush my teeth
i corn the beef, fed rollo's to the great coral reef and Al Gore smacked that ass
what oh what a gas
please pass the turkey on the cross
wilderness crying bagels for tears
christmas tree Walmart fiction
a mere undistinguishable faction of fractionated palm-reading faggotry

i lie awake with basketballs inflating while i am waiting for girls' thunder to repproach me, my whistling gun slicing the air because i bring it near my hair when it grows time for a beating
they don't see it,
they primp only prance and touch their pockets
with candy-coated confetti high-heeled shoetocracies

thumbs to teeth to perfume department walkways where you can't breathe and it burns your eyes to look out to bother a sniff burns your very lungs into corporate domination

oh, you lose, you silly crackers and black-faced line chalkers
tell me who's got the points now, who's winning your stupid game today?
dollars drip like mercury through swearing thermometer hands
and onto the dry dead pavement of your muppet mother's corpscicle.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Title?

As an exercise first, I wrote whatever came to me -regardless of sense; non-sense writing, stream-of-well-you-know-what. I was haunted by it; led to anonymous byways of thought, punctured pinholes through constricting structures of reality until it became something else.
Now I bask, breathing slow, on beach sand and wonder. I choose my words too carefully.
I tempted the boundaries of sanity until the walls I taunted talked back.
I led an adventure into nowhere and I'm the only one who showed up to go. So I went. Cliffs of Despair, and all that. Things got forgotten.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

this makes me smile:

Democrats warn Chavez: Don't bash Bush
POSTED: 5:33 p.m. EDT, September 21, 2006
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Two of President Bush's staunchest domestic critics leapt to his defense Thursday, a day after one of his fiercest foreign foes called him "the devil" in a scorching speech before the United Nations.

"You don't come into my country; you don't come into my congressional district and you don't condemn my president," Rep. Charles Rangel, D-New York, scolded Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-California, was blunt in her criticism of the Venezuelan leader. "He is an everyday thug," she said. (Watch Rangel rip Chavez -- 1:28 )

Chavez kept up his criticism of Bush during a visit to Harlem on Thursday, calling the U.S. president "a sick man" who is unqualified for the job. Chavez also said he is expanding his heating-oil program to help low-income Americans.

During his speech before the U.N. General Assembly on Wednesday, Chavez launched into a caustic verbal attack of Bush that shocked diplomats and observers accustomed to the staid verbiage of international diplomacy. (Full story)

"The devil came here yesterday," Chavez said, referring to Bush, who addressed the world body during its annual meeting Tuesday. "And it smells of sulfur still today."

Chavez accused Bush of having spoken "as if he owned the world" when the U.S. president addressed the world body on Tuesday. (Watch how Chavez's belligerence may backfire -- 3:11)

"As the spokesman of imperialism, he came to share his nostrums to try to preserve the current pattern of domination, exploitation and pillage of the peoples of the world. An Alfred Hitchcock movie could use it as a scenario. I would even propose a title: 'The Devil's Recipe.' "

Bush's domestic foes fumed Thursday.

"If there's any criticism of President Bush, it should be restricted to Americans, whether they voted for him or not," Rangel said at a Washington news conference.

"I just want to make it abundantly clear to Hugo Chavez or any other president: Don't come to the United States and think, because we have problems with our president, that any foreigner can come to our country and not think that Americans do not feel offended when you offend our chief of state," Rangel said.

"Hugo Chavez abused the privilege that he had speaking at the United Nations," Pelosi said. "In doing so, in the manner which he characterized the president, he demeaned himself and demeaned Venezuela."

Bush administration officials dismissed the Chavez tirade.

"We're not going to address that sort of comic-strip approach to international affairs," John Bolton, the U.S. ambassador to the U.N., said shortly after Chavez spoke Wednesday.

Chavez's tirades against Bush have become common. In May, he accused Bush of committing genocide and said the U.S. president should be imprisoned by an international criminal court.

Chavez also alleged during the U.N. speech that the United States is planning, financing and setting in motion a coup to overthrow him. The U.S. has denied such accusations in the past.

As he was exiting the U.N. building in New York, Chavez told reporters that Bush is not a legitimate president because he "stole the elections."

"He is, therefore, a dictator," Chavez said.

During a stop in Harlem on Thursday, Chavez said he has no quarrel with the American people.

"We are friends of yours, and you are our friends," he said.

Underscoring his point, he announced he is expanding his heating-oil program to help impoverished Americans from 40 million gallons last year to 100 million gallons this year, and from 180,000 families to 459,000 families.

But in the heart of Rangel's congressional district, he blasted away at Bush for a second day.

"He walks like this cowboy John Wayne," said Chavez. "He doesn't have the slightest idea of politics. He got where he is because he is the son of his father. He was an alcoholic, an ex-alcoholic. He's a sick man, full of complexes, but very dangerous now because he has a lot of power."

Chavez, clad in a fire-engine-red shirt, called Bush a "menace" and a "threat against life on the planet."

In the United States, rich people are getting richer, and poor people are getting poorer, he said. "That's not a democracy; that's a tyranny."

After his address, a Chavez spokesman said the Secret Service and New York Police Department had barred the Venezuelan president from granting media interviews and cut his delegation's satellite feed -- claims the New York police and State Department denied.

NYPD Assistant Chief Michael Collins called the allegations "absolutely false" and said the Venezuelan delegation refused to comply with requirements on where to place their satellite dish.

"What they were doing was dangerous and illegal," he said. "We made every accommodation not to interfere with what was going on."

State Department spokesman Gonzo Gallegos, in New York with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, said: "As a matter of policy, there are no restrictions on President Chavez or anyone else wanting to speak their mind in the United States."

Monday, September 18, 2006

USDA SAYS SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FRANKENRICE

The USDA has finally reacted to the contamination of the U.S. rice supply by an unapproved, genetically engineered variety of rice created by theBayer Corporation. Three weeks ago, it was discovered that Bayer's mutantrice, gene-spliced to survive heavy doses of a powerful herbicide called glufosinate, had contaminated U.S. long grain rice stocks. The USDA admitted it had "no idea" how extensive the contamination was. Meanwhile Japan has banned all U.S. rice imports, while the EU is rejecting U.S. imports that test positive for contamination. The rice industry has been in a state of upheaval, with rumors of a massive market recall spreading across the country. This week, the USDA announced its plan of action: instead of recalling this illegal, and potentially unsafe rice, it is working with Bayer to fast-track the approval process. "Illegal, potentially hazardous rice in grain bins, on supermarket shelves, in cereal, beer, baby foods, and all rice products. It should be a no-brainer. Recall this stuff to make sure no one eats it," said Joseph Mendelson, Legal Director of the Center for Food Safety. "Instead, USDA plans to rush through 'market approval' of a genetically engineered rice that Bayer itself decided was unfit for commerce. Why? To free Bayerfrom liability."Learn more: http://www.organicconsumers.org/2006/article_2159.cfm

Saturday, September 09, 2006

How About This

HYPOTHESES

1. All men with fancy cars are complete dicks (i.e. incapable of not being self-absorbed jerks).

2. Would the world be a better place if Michael Jackson dressed as Ronald McDonald? Hmm.. (Had I the possession & mastery of Adobe Photoshop, I would gladly, by clear reference to pictorial, display this amazing potential). His name could then be, "McRichael Donlackson."

Friday, August 18, 2006

US man survives chocolate ordeal


Forget all that Middle East stuff.
This is clearly the best news article in recent days.
Thank you BBC.

Friday, 18 August 2006, 16:53 GMT 17:53 UK

The vat was full of dark chocolate. A 21-year-old US man ended up in hospital after spending two hours trapped in a vat of chocolate, police in Wisconsin said on Friday.
The man said he had climbed into the tank before becoming trapped waist-deep in chocolate, police chief Randy Berner told AP news agency.
However, other reports suggest he was stirring the chocolate when he fell in.
Rescue workers and staff at the Debelis Corporation used cocoa-butter to thin out the chocolate and pull him free.
"It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," Captain Berner said.
"It's the first time I've ever heard of anything like this," he added.
The worker said his ankles were sore after the incident, and he was taken to a local hospital where he is recovering.
The accident involved dark chocolate.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Oh shit, The Onion is great.

Retro-Crazed Youths Re-Elect Carter
November 5, 1996 | Issue 30•13


WASHINGTON, DC—A massive turnout of '70s-obsessed youths is being blamed for Jimmy Carter's surprise victory in Tuesday's presidential election. According to election officials, polling places were overrun with millions of 18- to 23-year-olds wearing Charlie's Angels T-shirts and carrying Scooby Doo lunchboxes. "The '70s were so cool," said Michelle Poole, 19, a barrette-wearing, Fisher Price toy-collecting Carter supporter. "It's like, that old-school Carter Administration shit rocked." According to Carter spokesman Edward Rowell, "President-Elect Carter will do his best to serve the mandate of '70s retro culture. He will boycott the Olympic Games, try to create another energy crisis and appoint many well-known '70s TV personalities, including Fred Berry and Gabe Kaplan, to top Cabinet posts."

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Monday, May 01, 2006

At long last